Wannabe Gurus

Caution: Rant Ahead

I’ve never been one for gurus. Perhaps it is because I have never met a legitimate one. Then again, I seem to run across a lot of wannabes. You know the type, the people that can’t wait to enlighten you with their pithy knowledge, sage insight and worldly wisdom. God save me from such saints.

I came across two such gurus (posing as customers) at work. They arrived about a month apart but two is just short of a trend and I am trying to rally myself in preparation for the third. The first guy, “John”, was second in line and a witness to a rather fast witted repartee I was enjoying with the customer in front of him. We smiled through the sale, said goodbye and along came John. I continued on with my stage persona which, when I am in a good mood can be quite funny and entertaining. John joined me in my humour and then said something about how nice I was. I said, trying to continue the fun, that is was the only way I was gonna get into heaven. 

Okay, I admit that one-liner was kind of flat but hey, even Carol Burnett had her bad days. Anyhow, John looked at me and said so earnestly I almost hit him, heaven and hell are concepts, a story of what we make of our lives each day. My face went immediately blank and my voice flattened: I was trying to be funny. Obviously my joke failed. I understand and agree with the philosophy you are trying to impart but it is not needed. Next!

Okay, maybe I wasn’t that rude but close enough.

The second guru, “Bill”, came as I was just finishing off a conversation with a co-worker. Another colleague, one whom we both regularly worked with, was resigning and I said: I am sad about this upcoming change. I turned towards the customer and he, just like John, dripping with good will and sincerity, asked: And what if there is change? My smile of welcome disappeared and with my now accustomed level voice replied: I was expressing an emotion. I understand that change can be good and fine and also is a constant. But I am sad and that is all that needs to be said. Bill, with amazing dexterity, tired to back pedal and I did my best to hear him out but jeez, cannot people leave their personal development agendas at home? Cannot these guru wannabes just lighten up and enjoy good fun without trying to teach life lessons? And cannot I express a heartfelt emotion without someone trying to fix me?  Is it because I wear a big box uniform and am deemed lesser than and, therefore, in need of enlightenment? 

I honestly do not remember it happening so blatantly before but maybe I am just more sensitive these days. Do others get these impromptu and unwanted sessions?