Stillness

It is in the silence,

the space between movement—

the moment before

the drop releases.

Remnants of the rain

that battered the soul.

This is where fear meets trust

the moment of choice,
the moment of letting go.

I witness this, at times, in my healing work, moments when I breathe down, far into my roots, deep within the earth. It is here I hold centre. Although a place of stability and rest it can bring trepidation, even fear, in those unfamiliar. A client may start talking or shift their legs as they lay on my massage table. The stillness frightens—a lack of movement suggesting vulnerability.

But what some do not know, I know I was one, is that stillness is where our power lies. It is there we have choice. In stillness we make the decision whether to move towards centre, where Self resides, or step beyond, perhaps many steps, away from who we are.

It is not an easy choice. It wasn’t for me. I took my time, the fear so great.

The other day I was holding stillness with a horse, a rescue horse, with a difficult past. Although the mare now lives in a safe and nurturing environment she is still unsure of whether to come or to go. I stood with her while she pawed the ground and shifted her shoulders. There was little trust in me. Three times, however, in my short stay and grounded state, I saw the fear ease in her eyes. Three times, if only for a moment, she let go of her defences and found relief. It was beautiful to witness: a moment in which she trusted herself enough to listen deeply, a skill lost through the carelessness of others, to quiet her defences and know I was safe.

Self trust is the gift we were given at birth. We knew to cry when we were hungry, to let others know when we were wet or scared. We trusted our feelings; we trusted our bodies. Too many of us lose touch with that gift. Life experiences teaches us to run or to hide, to cower or to bully. We forgot who we are in just learning to survive.

The thing to remember is that the gift of stillness—of deep listening; of self trust—is indelible, it cannot be truly lost. It only waits to be awakened by coming into relationship with who we are. It only waits to be nurtured by coming home.

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